D and I were im-ing through the entire episode. Topics included:
1) Secret Life trying to use Avril Lavigne to seem cool and edgy when that song came out like four years ago, and it wasn't even cool then.
2) Grace is a whore now and that was the most unrealistic "first time" scene of all time.
[D]Really, I feel like it is an unwritten rule that everyone's "first time" must be extremely awkward and seriously disappointing. Any stories to the contrary are lies. [/D]
Also, EW. EWEWEW. EWWWWWWWWWWW. I kind of just wanted to punch her in the face.
3) What is up with the use of the word "breasts" like a million times in the first ten minutes? I really think there's something wrong with the writers. Something really wrong and now they want to punish the rest of us.
4) The lead character of this show is completely unlikeable! How did they manage that? Poor girl, her only real crime is being born with the name Shailene Woodley, which she couldn't control anyway, probably to some stage parents who moved her to LA when she told them she wanted to be an actress. Somehow she winds up on this terrible terrible show, with no discernible acting ability, and she can't really help it that instead of making Amy seem like a girl who makes a bad decision and winds up in a terrible circumstances, someone we pity but feel optimistic about, she just seems horrible. Especially after the baby is born and she's got some kind of awful hormones raging.
5) Why does Amy hate meat now? That was scary.
6) Who didn't realize that Grace's brother was gonna screw something up? I still don't understand what his function is on the show. I guess hiring an actor who actually has Down's Syndrome is admirable, but every scene he's in is just painful and hard to watch.
[D] PD has come to the decision that they tricked that poor boy into being on this show and I kind of believe it. He probably thinks this is some kind of game and is fooled into being on this show. And I would give this show credit for employing a type of actor not normally seen in television, if they didn't give him such horrible dialogue. There was a whole story arc, if you can call it that, where Tom and his girlfriend Tammy, who also has Down's syndrome, try to get married and talk about having sex. That was the worst. [/D]
7) The only person I like on this show is Jack's mentee from last season, because he has the same horribly written lines as everyone else ("I don't understand the time trial aspect of the whole thing. I think the important thing is cleanliness, comfort, and safety") but actually manages to make them funny.
8) George is a douchebag and referencing the Fountainhead does not make you clever or witty.
[D]George is easily the worst person on this show full of horrible people. Telling your soon to be ex-wife's new boyfriend that she's pergnant without even asking her if she is, is probably one of the worst things to do ever. [/D]
9) Adrian is a hypocrite and how is it that Ricky is supposed to be so wise now? And every speech is supposed to be SO EPIC.
10) TWIST! WHO COULDN'T HAVE SEEN COMING THAT STORYLINE- AND LIFE-ALTERING TWIST! DAMN I love this show.
[D] I LOVEEE that this is how they decide to write out the father character. In That's So Raven, the mom goes to law school in England. In Lizzie McGuire, Lalaine goes to Mexico for a vacation. And in Secret Life, the dad dies in some random plane crash on some random trip that we never heard about. Like that happens all the time. [/D]
11) That kid wasn't even sad about his dad dying! Not at all! Playing golf with Jesus? WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE INVOLVED WITH THIS SHOW?
12) Adrian was so unenthusiastic in that PSA about sex at the end. Sounded like someone didn't agree with the obligatory propaganda written into her contract...
13) The baby is definitely a robot.
14) [D] The asians are RIDICULOUS. I must say that they have to be my favorite characters just because of their dialogue and their basic personalities. The girl Asian likes to give random sex facts and is really just a huge ho. And the guy asian has the sexual repressedness i love in my asians. What other characters have conversations like, "I don't understand how you can be so good at making out and so bad at sex." and "Don't hate me because I'm sexually active."
LOVVEEE <3
15) I just need to talk about this horrible cast picture because it offends me so much.
The hair of the boys on this show makes them look like they are from 1953 and should be telling Potsie to sit on it. NO ONE, not even real hos, dress like Adrian. Especially in high school. And Amy does not look like pregnant. She looks like she just put a basketball under her dress. [/D]AND THEN that bullshit new gymnastics show, which is basically just a rip-off of that bullshit gymnastics movie that came out a while ago. Every character is the same as the characters from the movie. IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME. Except instead of getting arrested, she's there on a scholarship. And instead of being a previously great gymnast who joins back up, she's a newbie. Even so, same exact thing.
AND THEN SLOTAT AGAIN! What a magical night of television.
Also, remaking 10 Things I Hate About You as a TV show is a TERRIBLE HORRIBLE MISTAKE. Just going on the record with that now. And remaking "I Want You to Want Me" is possibly an even worse idea, because the original was good enough, and then the Letters to Cleo version from the movie was fine, and the new one sounds like the Pussycat Dolls bought guitars.
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